Rachel's year in review
Sort of like those long Christmas letters you would sometimes get from, like, a guy your dad went to college with? Always named Dave.
Listen: I’m not doing too great. I’m not doing badly. You don’t have to worry. But I’m not doing great! I’m just getting over my third bout of COVID since July, and it’s left me raggedy. The world will have to wait a little while longer for my witty prose.
But the demise of Twitter leaves me hungry for pontification, so I shall feed the gaping maw of my existential dread with one final sign-off for the year.
2022 was a big one. I published my first book. I narrated my first audiobook. I proceeded to feel very bad about the lack of reviews and lists and media spots and events and awards that resulted from said book and audiobook. I thought, in the days before my book actually hit shelves, that I was very excited to dive right into book #2; now I’m not so sure I’ve got the stamina to see another project I worked so hard on kind of… flop out into the world. I’m proud of the book, and glad that the people who’ve read it have liked it. I had an amazing editor and agent making sure things went as well as they could possibly go. I am extremely lucky. And I’m so grateful to the friends who bought multiple copies and the podcast listeners who left five-star reviews and the TikTok and Instagram book accounts that posted about it. But it’s been hard, and often kind of sad, and then sadder because I don’t feel like I’m allowed to be sad about having published a book, and I’ll admit, maybe just this one time, that I wish things had gone differently.
On a lighter note, 2022 was the year I quit my job. This was huge. Monumental. I went to college when I was 16 and I haven’t stopped working since. While I sure wish I hadn’t gotten COVID three times in a row immediately upon entering funemployment, I also recognize that my body completely falling apart is almost certainly a sign that I really really needed that break.
For what it’s worth, I was only able to quit once I convinced myself and everyone else that I was about to write a second book. I wish I hadn’t needed that crutch—that “oh, so that explains why she’d give up being an executive editor” caveat to my time of convalescence. But I did, and it worked, so I’m grateful to my book and to the theoretical second book of my maybe-never future for giving me an offramp.
In 2022 I listened to a lot of audiobooks. I learned embroidery (sort of) and brought my frigid sourdough starter back to life (ish). I finally signed up for German classes (haven’t started yet) and admitted I’d like to write and direct a horror film (some day). I stopped feeling like a fraud when I talked about my chronic illness. I had the precious opportunity to say goodbye to my grandma as she died. I looked after myself. I took naps. I made TikToks. I kept a few plants alive. I ordered a lot of takeout. I made a lot of soups.
I’m closing out the year in a cabin that happens to be in the town where one of my favorite authors wrote their demons out. Yesterday I got some weed gummies that actually do more than take the edge off of my pain. We’re having Totino’s for dinner. They say you should ring in the new year the way you hope to spend it; I’ll be drinking sparkling wine either in a hot tub or next to a roaring fire, or both, with a gloriously fat belly full of pizza rolls and joints that don’t ache. So maybe I’m doing better than I thought.
In summary:
Out for 2023
billionaires
leaning in
the NYT best seller list
starting non-profits instead of joining ones that exist already
the flattening of the human experience
justifying the unique needs of your flesh puppet to others
60-hour work weeks
diets
the American healthcare system
In for 2023
writing ghost stories
hosting dinner parties
buying friends’ books
doing things that make your body feel good
easy-grade hikes
wearing N95 masks indoors
collecting perfume samples
slow stitching
obscurity
Thank you for all you’ve done for me and mine this year. I hope your future feels bright. More in 2023!
Rachel's year in review
I LOVED your book! I don't know why it hasn't gotten more press either, because it's delightful.
Wishing you better health in 2023 <3